remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
