Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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