dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
