You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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