Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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