After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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