If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this beer tastes like vomit already
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
