My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
