Just cropdusted the office
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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