but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
