you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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