I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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