the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize