Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
