I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
