The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
