I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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