i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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