PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
