Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
