you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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