i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
