Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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