Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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