fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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