Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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