Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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