Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
