She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
