I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
