Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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