There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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