his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
