So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
