Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
