every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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