the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
