Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
