she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
