I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
