Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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