i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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