I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
