Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
