We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
