Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
