On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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