my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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