Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We left the knife in your bed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
