I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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