3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
