all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
