Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
