Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
